Why Can’t We All Be Equal?

This has been bugging me for a while so I decided to write a post about it. I frequently come across some version of this message:

Two dads are better than none / Two moms are better than none

One version says two dads are better than none. One says two moms are better than none. Each shows a happy same-sex family and a dejected child hanging its head all by itself off to the side.

So, let me see if I have this straight: If you have two dads, you’re better than a kid who has no dads — say, a kid with two moms or a single mom? Really?

Why do we have to be “better than” someone else to feel good about ourselves. Why can’t we just celebrate who we are without putting someone else down to do it?

My wife disagrees. She sees the images as a pro-adoption message, where the orphan would be better off with gay parents than no parents at all. Even if that’s the intent — and I’m not convinced it is, since many of these items are marketed as humor — I still question why this judgement of “better” has to enter into it. Why is a child with no parents somehow less than?

Then there are the variations on the message that say two moms are better than one mom, or two dads are better than one dad.

So now same-sex parents are better than both single parents and all straight parents? I must have missed that memo.

I find all of these messages incredibly divisive for our community, and wish we could find ways to celebrate our status as gay parents without thumbing our noses at everyone else — including each other.  What’s your take? Please leave a comment and let me know.

2 thoughts on “Why Can’t We All Be Equal?

  1. Laura says:

    Hmm interesting. The first “concept” also struck me a bit like it was saying “well, yeah, two dads isn’t great, but at least it’s better than none”. It reminds me of when people say things like, “well, it’s better than a poke in the eye” about a turn of events that were less than ideal.

    So whilst I agree with you that there should be no “better than” at all, I feel that rather than being positive about same-sex parents, these messages actually imply that having two same-sex parents is actually substandard.

    Interesting post. Thanks for sharing.

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